I don’t know exactly when it happens or how it happens, but like a slow creeping around a winding bend, things begin to change between you and your spouse after a baby. It’s not one big event or something drastic, but one day you turn around and know that you’ve forgotten about each other… a little bit.
You vow to keep your marriage at the center, but sometimes it slips and throws things off balance. In the battle to keep your marriage at the forefront and your husband reminded of how important he still is, here are five things he needs to know after the baby comes. These five things come courtesy of my own husband and what he’s confided in me that he needs to know.
1. You Still Love His Cuddles or in my husband’s words, “That He’s Not Chopped Liver”—You cradle and cuddle your baby day and night; and many times that leaves little room to cuddle your hubby. Take time to let him know you still love being held by him. Whether it’s through words or actions, your hubby needs to know that he still has a place in your arms and in your heart. He wants to know that he’s “not just chopped liver”;)
2. You Think He’s a Great Dad or “That He’s Got This”—Above knowing he’s doing a good job changing diapers and with tummy time, he needs to know you believe he has what it takes to fulfill his role as a father. He needs you to tell him that he’ll have the words when your baby is grown and needs them, he’ll have the understanding, the time, the attention, the capacity, and the capability to be a great dad. He needs you to tell him he already is a great dad.
3. That You Trust Him with the Baby or “He’s Not Gonna Dislocate Baby’s Shoulder”—Your hubby needs to know you trust him with the baby. Whether he’s giving your little one a bath, holding him/her high above his head, or babysitting for two hours so you can run some errands, your husband needs to know that you don’t think he’s going to fail or hurt your child. Trust him! Trust that he’s not going to let her fall under the water or dislocate her shoulder!
4. That He’s Important or “Baby NEEDS Him, too!’—your husband needs to know and needs to hear you say that your baby needs him too. And, not just on the surface level. He wants to know that even though you have a bond with your baby and are a source of food and comfort, that he’s a source of “something” too. Observe your baby with your husband and watch how he/she responds. Let your husband know that your baby NEEDS his strong arms in order to be able to burp quickly, that he/she NEEDS to hear him sing in order to calm down…whatever comes to mind, make your husband aware of it.
5. You Still Want to Allure Him or “You Still Want to Look Sexy for Him”—I get it! You wear pajamas, a ponytail, and glasses for 5 weeks straight. You put your make-up on, oh…maybe once a week?! Your husband loves you just as you are, he understands exactly where you are at, but he still wants to know that you won’t stop trying to allure him. Let him know you still want to look sexy and feel sexy; and that you’re not going to stop trying to win his heart.
By Holly M.