I’ve been feeling guilty a lot these days. I read blogs, I listen to other mamas talk, and I take note of their parenting choices. I observe, and then I start to question my own current situation and feel guilty about the decisions I make. I feel guilty because I do something and I feel guilty because I don’t do something. I especially feel guilty when I’m talking to another mama and they say they don’t do something that I do, and then follow it up with extensive reasoning and research as to why they don’t. Whew!
I’m tired of mommy guilt. I’m tired of feeling guilty because I use disposable diapers instead of cloth. You guys, I share a laundry facility with my entire apartment building. I wanted to, but then didn’t… I went back and forth. I could go on. I’ve weighed the pros and cons—for me in my current situation.
I’m tired of feeling guilty because our baby sleeps in our bed and can’t stand her own. I’m tired of feeling guilty because our baby doesn’t sleep through the night. None of us sleep when we all sleep together and we all sleep better when we sleep together. It depends and it’s ok, for now!
I’m tired of feeling guilty because I can’t give my daughter 100% breast milk. I don’t want to feel like I have to explain the details of my breast reduction surgery when you see me nurse, and then see me scoop formula into a bottle. And, I don’t want you to feel guilty about your choices when you compare them to mine. I don’t want you to compare them to mine.
I don’t want us to feel like every conversation we have about mommy hood has to be a persuasive speech. I want us to be able to share our views, to learn from one another, and agree to make the choices we believe are best for our family. I don’t want any more judgment. I don’t want anymore guilt.
There are facts and there are statistics. I want to give you all the facts and you want to give me all the facts. I want to make the most informed decision and you want to make the most informed decision. But, I don’t want to criticize you for your decision, and I don’t want you to criticize me for mine. I don’t want to talk about your methods during pillow talk with my husband, all the while exchanging eeks and gasps of disbelief. And, I don’t want you to do that to me. I don’t want my parenting choices to be your pillow talk topic unless they’re used as helpful examples.
We can say no to mommy guilt. We can say no to making ourselves feel guilty for our choices, and we can say no to making other mommies feel guilty. Let’s say no—no more mommy guilt!
By Holly M.